complain away

On Sunday I saw an old friend she had a wrap on her head, only means one thing cancer.  I went up to her gave her a hug and asked what was going on. She stated that she had breast cancer, but she wasn't complaining. I told her complain away that totally sucks. Why do we always think that we can't complain or we just don't. I complain I get mad, but I guess when it's just me is when that happens. I really felt bad and I want people to know it's ok to complain and be angry, as we move forward I say complain away.

Christmas

So today has come and gone, I am so happy. I cried twice today excited about how my family has enjoyed the Christmas day. Love my new gift my mini laptop which is going to help me do my work with my brides. I will be able to be updated and always know what is going on without always having to be in the office. The food was fabulous and so grateful for the blessing of the Savior in my life today. I am so blessed to be doing so well. I have enjoyed good food today. I was thinking about my life last night as I was laying in bed. Sometimes the reality of the diabetes really causes some anxiety. So when I begin to get better control of my life it makes me happy. I am always looking forward to becoming better at everything I do. My children have become such amazing kids, truly blessed. Excited to become a better manager, looking forward to a new year one with new hope, better business and more family time. Ryan is preparing for his mission, looking forward to him reaching his goals and receiving the blessings of the temple as he leaves to Africa to share the gospel with the people of that country. My dad has also become better with his diabetes also, he is going to a dietician which after 30 years is pretty awesome. Him and I now have the same pump and are on the same regimen. He said you can't train and old dog. I am so proud of him and the more active role he is taking with his diabetes. He has truly inspired me. Christmas was a success on to the new year.

That made me laugh.

Holy Cow this week has been fun, last Sunday was my family Christmas Party. Cameron and his family put together a video basically making fun of us in the family. You know that belly laugh that causes your cheeks to ache and you can't stop. That was the laugh I had, your muscles ache in the morning laugh. I love when you can laugh at yourself. The thing that they portrayed as me was when sweet Cameron comes to visit I appear always to be cleaning. When he comes into the room, then leaves a cupboard open it makes me crazy, so I yell close the freakin cupboard. Seriously that made me laugh. Tonight shopping 2 days til Christmas Brad walks up the one of those excersiser things that flips you upside down. I walked passed it knowing full well I didn't even want to go there because once your upside down, you have to get back up. I look back Brad proceeds to hook himself into the machine flipping upside down, now that made me laugh. He will wonder tomorrow why a muscle he didn't even know he had is hurting. Not sure which one but seriously could life be any funnier, as he walked away from the gadget he said "don't need one of those".. I would have loved to see that again. I was giggling so hard couldn't believe he did it yet at the same time glad he did. I feel the stress of the holidays coming down, yet so many things to make me laugh. Life for me is about the Diabetes and daily life altering situations such as Dialysis, but you know it's good to laugh! I hope when people see this they know that I am acutely aware of the good around me, and grateful for the thing that made me laugh today!

I'm doing it

Lot's of things have happened that keep me crazy and moving forward. Learning the importance of using alcohol on my sights, changing them every three days no matter what. I get itchy then I look down and I have a quarter size sore where my sight was. Not the prettiest thing but going away, my bikini days were over. I told my mom this and she simply said you should stop wearing bikinis anyway. Well you know I'm 42, left those behind in high school not a good look only if your Jennifer Aniston which I'm not. Tonight is our family party I'm singing which is a big stretch for me, solo, but I make my kids do things that are uncomfortable so I figure this will show them I really can do anything, even things that are hard. My son will accompany me on his guitar, and he's a great vocalist so if it get's bad hopeful he'll jump in and save the day. So hard things are beginning to be fun things in my life I love this. The holidays are here family time is my favorite, having our first big Christmas party at my work, been there managing for a year. The employees say after 15 years first party looking forward to the DJ that will be there making it a blast. I am lucky this year to be alive to have a family that loves me, and a husband that still thinks I'm sexy covered in polka dots all around my stomach, today life is good and I'm doing it.

Honestly

So I just want to kick my own butt. My head hurts and I'm dead dog tired. The holidays are almost here and I am working so much and hard that there is no time to enjoy it. Looking forward to having my own parties instead of hosting everyone else. Life is crazy feeling a little alone in the whole diabetes thing. I know I can't really say that out loud because then I just sound like I'm whining but I just feel like it today. My husbands care comes from me, my children's care comes from me. Work is becoming all mine, which with it doesn't come a higher paycheck just a bigger headache and more to worry about. But diabetes it's just me and the needles the insulin the highs the lows, it's just me and honestly it's stupid. Even people with other diseases seem to have more support people will talk to them about it with me it's just about people wondering why you keep checking your sock. Ok so today I put the pump in my sock, that was different I guess it worked ok, other than the fact the sock kept falling down so I was pulling it up all day. Am I really alone I don't even know, honestly I just feel.

So much sugar

The holidays are here and so are all the good foods. What to do with everything. I forgot to dose for dinner tonight that was a first. I take for granted that I haven't been giving myself shots except for the dreadful day I choose to forget. Wow so much sugar in my house. You know what is cool though you know when to just walk away without depriving every living soul of all the good stuff. The holidays are here in full swing, I'm pretty much done with Christmas only because that's all I'm doing at work is Christmas. Not complaining just saying. So much sugar I actually asked my married daughter Kim if we should bake this year. Haven't done that for a while but yes I'm feeling a little baking in the blood. Now if I do we will see but it's been awhile since I've considered it. Maybe it's I've become lazy in my incredibly old age, ha ha I'm not old unless your my teenage employees. You know one actually said to me if you were 30 years younger that might not have been creepy, yes it would I would have been 12. Anyhow I think I will bake, fit it in my schedule some cute cookies cut out like shoes and purses for my girlfriends, oh ya I don't have any of those maybe because I don't bake. All kidding aside watching my carbs counting them twice trying not to be naughty just nice. Life is good today, yes I will continue to say that life is good. I have my health and my family that's why there is so much sugar.

That was scary

Do you ever feel like you jinks yourself when you say those dreaded words "man life is good I feel great I've got this pump thing under control"? Well this last week I have said all of these things. I put in my new site last night went to bed with a normal blood sugar, really enjoying the convenience honestly I only have good to say about the pump and how it has changed my life. Well today my life changed, I woke up at 488, I thought wow that is really high, I dosed got ready for work feeling sluggish of course, but we work because we have to. Off to work walk into the Reception Hall for a wedding and the hot air hit me like a ton of bricks the nausea started. I did what I could in between running to the bathroom to sit over the toilet. Here's why it was scary I know it's not the flu, I know my sugars are way too high. I also know that they should be headed down. I'm new to this I go outside to stand in the cold check my sugars again, all the while making the bride happy taking care of the little things, even though Jess had it all covered. I always feel as if I can't leave. Jess said I looked fine, darted to the bathroom again. Checked sugars with head between my legs, gone down 40 points 2 hrs, not fast enough give more insulin only what pump will allow. Too sick to stay when the food comes out run to the door leaving Jess, feeling the tears and nausea at the same time. Never remember feeling this bad ever. When I was diagnosed my sugars were never that high. Went home not sure how that happened so sick needing to throw up, problem being nothing in my stomach hadn't had a single thing to eat. Crawl into bed sobbing, my beautiful 15 year old placed a cool rag on my head. Sugars headed back up, now I'm starting to panick at what point do you head to the Dr.? I don't know this is so new to me. My husband walks in from his Birthday breakfast literally I am sobbing writhing in pain, a strange kind of pain, more of a terrified pain. Hard to explain, he looks at me says very gently you need to be quiet for just a moment as he comes to my bedside lays his hands on my head and gives me a blessing, of comfort that I will get through this and move forward. He then tells me that I need to change my sight take insulin through a needle until my sugars come down and put a new site in. I was back to work at 4pm as if the day had never happened. The inspiration and love I feel from my family and my beautiful co-worker is what get's me through. I know that this will happen again but next time I will know how to treat it. The thing with this disease one minute you feel as if your going to die the next your serving 145 workers their Christmas dinner. Life is such a crazy thing, that was scary.

Nissaism

There are many things I am famous for, mostly my blondness. This really has nothing to do with anything except for the fact that I am blond. So I'm at work doing what I do chit chat on the phone, I dropped it completely falls apart on the floor of the kitchen. Anyhow I am on my hands and knees trying with the broom to get it out from under the "rolling island", when my wonderful employee, who happens to be my nephew comes in, and just simply rolls it away from the wall. Ya I picked up the piece of phone while feeling quite stupid, good thing for people around me who aren't blond. Wondering how long it would have taken me had he not come and saved the day. Life is funny and being a week into my pump I feel so much better and in control it's hard to explain. I'm happy to report that I am great. Today is a great day, how long this will last who knows but I'LL TAKE IT.

2 Things

2 Things I learned today, that my Heavenly Father loves me, and I am not alone in my trial. I met someone on Sunday who I have looked at, walked by and not really said much. On Sunday she walked by and I saw her Pump on her hip and I realized that I had a sister in my trial. I stopped her and lifted my skirt up to show her my pump in my boot, then we talked. Then that evening as I was searching the web for something, anything to help me sleep with this contraption a little better I found another sister. This time far away in Hawaii, she is also searching for the perfect way to deal with this trial. She is asking questions and I was lucky to find her so that maybe we can help each other. Today my husband found this beautiful inspirational video that makes me more grateful for my small challenge and for the blessings in my life. Today I learned 2 things my Heavenly Father loves me, and I am not alone in my trial.

My New Life

I told You

I told you that when you do something a little off they want to know if your sugar is low. Ok so I text my sister last night at 10:30pm forgot maybe the rest of the world goes to bed early. Anyhow I guess she didn't wake up and see her phone til around 2:30am. So she looked at the text first thing that came to mind, her sugars must be low what is she doing texting at this time of day. Funny how maybe I might do that I don't know, but I'm good usually when my sugars are low I will just go to my corner and eat a bag of marshmallows. Need to be careful with that because I really will eat a whole bag, can't purchase those anymore. Life is good with a bag of marshmallows. I've gone from cereal to juice to marshmallows. Always something it's about moderation, It's hard to be moderate when your delusional. So my advice make sure you have a 15 gram stash easy for me to say not always easy for me to do.

Serious

Sometimes you just have to be serious for a minute, this song says it all. Not ever wanting too much seriousness in my life, but sometimes you just must.This isn't just for me I hope that those who have stuff can appreciate the words, Brad inspires me, my journey just began, he is 10 years into his, so who says you can't do it?

I'm Alive - Kenny Chesney with Dave Matthews

That didn't go as planned

So I slept like a rock the other night, I finally thought I found a place to put it, Wall-e of course. Anyhow I decided to put my sports bra on and put it right in the middle of it. Really it felt comfortable everything seemed tucked in tight. Well I slept like a rock sleeping on a rock. I woke up went to move had been sleeping on my stomach had Wall-e stuck tightly to my chest had to peel him off. Man don't you hate it when it doesn't go how you planned it, still trying. This actually reminds me of the spider who I just watched when I took a bath, he came out of no where but he knew where he was headed so he just kept climbing, but he could only go so far til he would fall all the way back down. He knew what his certain doom was as we all do as certain times in our life so what do we do keep moving up, no where to go really but down. So the sports bra thing didn't work who cares I just keep trying new stuff happy that my insulin is stuck to me so If there is something I want to eat now I can just look down at the sweet face hooked to my hip hit a few buttons and enjoy a snack. Of course don't get too excited I'm still not dosing right and my lows keep happening but I keep moving up. Only because I know what my certain doom is!

He loves me

He loves me, he loves me not, picking petals off a flower. I'm the flower and the petals are falling off. I'm not feeling too sexy or whatever tonight. Did my first re stick, or re put in the pump needle. Every 3 days you take the old needle out put the new one in not too long of a needle but still long enough when your husband says ow does that hurt? I think it's the sting never really goes away for 3 days it was on the left side now it is on the right. Well he loves me when I walk in with the sports bra on and Wall-e clipped to the center for sleep I think I found a place to put him, and to keep everything else in it's place. Ya he loves me, how do we get through the stuff without the Love, not possible it's Carma or the circle or just plain luck. He loves me with all the tubing hanging from the front of the sports bra, which by the way is new waiting to be sported now it is my support or Wall-e's so that's where you put it. Find some happy place to go when you got stuff hanging it doesn't have to be tubing it can be anything really. Get it off your chest or hang it on your chest either way he still loves me.

where do I put it

Like I always tell my kids simple question require a simple answer. Now I have the pump the question is, where do I put it? It's bigger than a pager and it is heavy. When I sleep where does it go? clip it to your unders ok, now my unders will officially fall down. Roll over on it hold it, what the heck do I do with it. I look down it is wally starring up at me. On my pant in my pocket under my shirt in the bra, I don't know where to put it, what about all the tubing it's falling out getting stuck, kinked and just plain in the way. Where do I put it under my shirt it shows not sure what to do so again I ask the question where do I put it!

Officially Pumped

Well it's connected and running, the pump. Wow my head could at any minute explode it's like having a mini computer on my hip. So when I look down at it I could swear it was looking up at me and smiling and that's no joke. Well you have what is called a Basal rate which since I left my Dr. office with a two hour training session, which by the way we did fit in chat about Roller Derby excitement and the hoola hoop, so it was well worth my time. Anyhow my rate is too high have already had 4 lows since 4 yesterday I have to say that is a record, not loving it. Working it out hoping for a better day. Sooooo much to learn, but life is good I'm still here.