complain away

On Sunday I saw an old friend she had a wrap on her head, only means one thing cancer.  I went up to her gave her a hug and asked what was going on. She stated that she had breast cancer, but she wasn't complaining. I told her complain away that totally sucks. Why do we always think that we can't complain or we just don't. I complain I get mad, but I guess when it's just me is when that happens. I really felt bad and I want people to know it's ok to complain and be angry, as we move forward I say complain away.

Christmas

So today has come and gone, I am so happy. I cried twice today excited about how my family has enjoyed the Christmas day. Love my new gift my mini laptop which is going to help me do my work with my brides. I will be able to be updated and always know what is going on without always having to be in the office. The food was fabulous and so grateful for the blessing of the Savior in my life today. I am so blessed to be doing so well. I have enjoyed good food today. I was thinking about my life last night as I was laying in bed. Sometimes the reality of the diabetes really causes some anxiety. So when I begin to get better control of my life it makes me happy. I am always looking forward to becoming better at everything I do. My children have become such amazing kids, truly blessed. Excited to become a better manager, looking forward to a new year one with new hope, better business and more family time. Ryan is preparing for his mission, looking forward to him reaching his goals and receiving the blessings of the temple as he leaves to Africa to share the gospel with the people of that country. My dad has also become better with his diabetes also, he is going to a dietician which after 30 years is pretty awesome. Him and I now have the same pump and are on the same regimen. He said you can't train and old dog. I am so proud of him and the more active role he is taking with his diabetes. He has truly inspired me. Christmas was a success on to the new year.

That made me laugh.

Holy Cow this week has been fun, last Sunday was my family Christmas Party. Cameron and his family put together a video basically making fun of us in the family. You know that belly laugh that causes your cheeks to ache and you can't stop. That was the laugh I had, your muscles ache in the morning laugh. I love when you can laugh at yourself. The thing that they portrayed as me was when sweet Cameron comes to visit I appear always to be cleaning. When he comes into the room, then leaves a cupboard open it makes me crazy, so I yell close the freakin cupboard. Seriously that made me laugh. Tonight shopping 2 days til Christmas Brad walks up the one of those excersiser things that flips you upside down. I walked passed it knowing full well I didn't even want to go there because once your upside down, you have to get back up. I look back Brad proceeds to hook himself into the machine flipping upside down, now that made me laugh. He will wonder tomorrow why a muscle he didn't even know he had is hurting. Not sure which one but seriously could life be any funnier, as he walked away from the gadget he said "don't need one of those".. I would have loved to see that again. I was giggling so hard couldn't believe he did it yet at the same time glad he did. I feel the stress of the holidays coming down, yet so many things to make me laugh. Life for me is about the Diabetes and daily life altering situations such as Dialysis, but you know it's good to laugh! I hope when people see this they know that I am acutely aware of the good around me, and grateful for the thing that made me laugh today!

I'm doing it

Lot's of things have happened that keep me crazy and moving forward. Learning the importance of using alcohol on my sights, changing them every three days no matter what. I get itchy then I look down and I have a quarter size sore where my sight was. Not the prettiest thing but going away, my bikini days were over. I told my mom this and she simply said you should stop wearing bikinis anyway. Well you know I'm 42, left those behind in high school not a good look only if your Jennifer Aniston which I'm not. Tonight is our family party I'm singing which is a big stretch for me, solo, but I make my kids do things that are uncomfortable so I figure this will show them I really can do anything, even things that are hard. My son will accompany me on his guitar, and he's a great vocalist so if it get's bad hopeful he'll jump in and save the day. So hard things are beginning to be fun things in my life I love this. The holidays are here family time is my favorite, having our first big Christmas party at my work, been there managing for a year. The employees say after 15 years first party looking forward to the DJ that will be there making it a blast. I am lucky this year to be alive to have a family that loves me, and a husband that still thinks I'm sexy covered in polka dots all around my stomach, today life is good and I'm doing it.

Honestly

So I just want to kick my own butt. My head hurts and I'm dead dog tired. The holidays are almost here and I am working so much and hard that there is no time to enjoy it. Looking forward to having my own parties instead of hosting everyone else. Life is crazy feeling a little alone in the whole diabetes thing. I know I can't really say that out loud because then I just sound like I'm whining but I just feel like it today. My husbands care comes from me, my children's care comes from me. Work is becoming all mine, which with it doesn't come a higher paycheck just a bigger headache and more to worry about. But diabetes it's just me and the needles the insulin the highs the lows, it's just me and honestly it's stupid. Even people with other diseases seem to have more support people will talk to them about it with me it's just about people wondering why you keep checking your sock. Ok so today I put the pump in my sock, that was different I guess it worked ok, other than the fact the sock kept falling down so I was pulling it up all day. Am I really alone I don't even know, honestly I just feel.

So much sugar

The holidays are here and so are all the good foods. What to do with everything. I forgot to dose for dinner tonight that was a first. I take for granted that I haven't been giving myself shots except for the dreadful day I choose to forget. Wow so much sugar in my house. You know what is cool though you know when to just walk away without depriving every living soul of all the good stuff. The holidays are here in full swing, I'm pretty much done with Christmas only because that's all I'm doing at work is Christmas. Not complaining just saying. So much sugar I actually asked my married daughter Kim if we should bake this year. Haven't done that for a while but yes I'm feeling a little baking in the blood. Now if I do we will see but it's been awhile since I've considered it. Maybe it's I've become lazy in my incredibly old age, ha ha I'm not old unless your my teenage employees. You know one actually said to me if you were 30 years younger that might not have been creepy, yes it would I would have been 12. Anyhow I think I will bake, fit it in my schedule some cute cookies cut out like shoes and purses for my girlfriends, oh ya I don't have any of those maybe because I don't bake. All kidding aside watching my carbs counting them twice trying not to be naughty just nice. Life is good today, yes I will continue to say that life is good. I have my health and my family that's why there is so much sugar.

That was scary

Do you ever feel like you jinks yourself when you say those dreaded words "man life is good I feel great I've got this pump thing under control"? Well this last week I have said all of these things. I put in my new site last night went to bed with a normal blood sugar, really enjoying the convenience honestly I only have good to say about the pump and how it has changed my life. Well today my life changed, I woke up at 488, I thought wow that is really high, I dosed got ready for work feeling sluggish of course, but we work because we have to. Off to work walk into the Reception Hall for a wedding and the hot air hit me like a ton of bricks the nausea started. I did what I could in between running to the bathroom to sit over the toilet. Here's why it was scary I know it's not the flu, I know my sugars are way too high. I also know that they should be headed down. I'm new to this I go outside to stand in the cold check my sugars again, all the while making the bride happy taking care of the little things, even though Jess had it all covered. I always feel as if I can't leave. Jess said I looked fine, darted to the bathroom again. Checked sugars with head between my legs, gone down 40 points 2 hrs, not fast enough give more insulin only what pump will allow. Too sick to stay when the food comes out run to the door leaving Jess, feeling the tears and nausea at the same time. Never remember feeling this bad ever. When I was diagnosed my sugars were never that high. Went home not sure how that happened so sick needing to throw up, problem being nothing in my stomach hadn't had a single thing to eat. Crawl into bed sobbing, my beautiful 15 year old placed a cool rag on my head. Sugars headed back up, now I'm starting to panick at what point do you head to the Dr.? I don't know this is so new to me. My husband walks in from his Birthday breakfast literally I am sobbing writhing in pain, a strange kind of pain, more of a terrified pain. Hard to explain, he looks at me says very gently you need to be quiet for just a moment as he comes to my bedside lays his hands on my head and gives me a blessing, of comfort that I will get through this and move forward. He then tells me that I need to change my sight take insulin through a needle until my sugars come down and put a new site in. I was back to work at 4pm as if the day had never happened. The inspiration and love I feel from my family and my beautiful co-worker is what get's me through. I know that this will happen again but next time I will know how to treat it. The thing with this disease one minute you feel as if your going to die the next your serving 145 workers their Christmas dinner. Life is such a crazy thing, that was scary.

Nissaism

There are many things I am famous for, mostly my blondness. This really has nothing to do with anything except for the fact that I am blond. So I'm at work doing what I do chit chat on the phone, I dropped it completely falls apart on the floor of the kitchen. Anyhow I am on my hands and knees trying with the broom to get it out from under the "rolling island", when my wonderful employee, who happens to be my nephew comes in, and just simply rolls it away from the wall. Ya I picked up the piece of phone while feeling quite stupid, good thing for people around me who aren't blond. Wondering how long it would have taken me had he not come and saved the day. Life is funny and being a week into my pump I feel so much better and in control it's hard to explain. I'm happy to report that I am great. Today is a great day, how long this will last who knows but I'LL TAKE IT.

2 Things

2 Things I learned today, that my Heavenly Father loves me, and I am not alone in my trial. I met someone on Sunday who I have looked at, walked by and not really said much. On Sunday she walked by and I saw her Pump on her hip and I realized that I had a sister in my trial. I stopped her and lifted my skirt up to show her my pump in my boot, then we talked. Then that evening as I was searching the web for something, anything to help me sleep with this contraption a little better I found another sister. This time far away in Hawaii, she is also searching for the perfect way to deal with this trial. She is asking questions and I was lucky to find her so that maybe we can help each other. Today my husband found this beautiful inspirational video that makes me more grateful for my small challenge and for the blessings in my life. Today I learned 2 things my Heavenly Father loves me, and I am not alone in my trial.

My New Life

I told You

I told you that when you do something a little off they want to know if your sugar is low. Ok so I text my sister last night at 10:30pm forgot maybe the rest of the world goes to bed early. Anyhow I guess she didn't wake up and see her phone til around 2:30am. So she looked at the text first thing that came to mind, her sugars must be low what is she doing texting at this time of day. Funny how maybe I might do that I don't know, but I'm good usually when my sugars are low I will just go to my corner and eat a bag of marshmallows. Need to be careful with that because I really will eat a whole bag, can't purchase those anymore. Life is good with a bag of marshmallows. I've gone from cereal to juice to marshmallows. Always something it's about moderation, It's hard to be moderate when your delusional. So my advice make sure you have a 15 gram stash easy for me to say not always easy for me to do.

Serious

Sometimes you just have to be serious for a minute, this song says it all. Not ever wanting too much seriousness in my life, but sometimes you just must.This isn't just for me I hope that those who have stuff can appreciate the words, Brad inspires me, my journey just began, he is 10 years into his, so who says you can't do it?

I'm Alive - Kenny Chesney with Dave Matthews

That didn't go as planned

So I slept like a rock the other night, I finally thought I found a place to put it, Wall-e of course. Anyhow I decided to put my sports bra on and put it right in the middle of it. Really it felt comfortable everything seemed tucked in tight. Well I slept like a rock sleeping on a rock. I woke up went to move had been sleeping on my stomach had Wall-e stuck tightly to my chest had to peel him off. Man don't you hate it when it doesn't go how you planned it, still trying. This actually reminds me of the spider who I just watched when I took a bath, he came out of no where but he knew where he was headed so he just kept climbing, but he could only go so far til he would fall all the way back down. He knew what his certain doom was as we all do as certain times in our life so what do we do keep moving up, no where to go really but down. So the sports bra thing didn't work who cares I just keep trying new stuff happy that my insulin is stuck to me so If there is something I want to eat now I can just look down at the sweet face hooked to my hip hit a few buttons and enjoy a snack. Of course don't get too excited I'm still not dosing right and my lows keep happening but I keep moving up. Only because I know what my certain doom is!

He loves me

He loves me, he loves me not, picking petals off a flower. I'm the flower and the petals are falling off. I'm not feeling too sexy or whatever tonight. Did my first re stick, or re put in the pump needle. Every 3 days you take the old needle out put the new one in not too long of a needle but still long enough when your husband says ow does that hurt? I think it's the sting never really goes away for 3 days it was on the left side now it is on the right. Well he loves me when I walk in with the sports bra on and Wall-e clipped to the center for sleep I think I found a place to put him, and to keep everything else in it's place. Ya he loves me, how do we get through the stuff without the Love, not possible it's Carma or the circle or just plain luck. He loves me with all the tubing hanging from the front of the sports bra, which by the way is new waiting to be sported now it is my support or Wall-e's so that's where you put it. Find some happy place to go when you got stuff hanging it doesn't have to be tubing it can be anything really. Get it off your chest or hang it on your chest either way he still loves me.

where do I put it

Like I always tell my kids simple question require a simple answer. Now I have the pump the question is, where do I put it? It's bigger than a pager and it is heavy. When I sleep where does it go? clip it to your unders ok, now my unders will officially fall down. Roll over on it hold it, what the heck do I do with it. I look down it is wally starring up at me. On my pant in my pocket under my shirt in the bra, I don't know where to put it, what about all the tubing it's falling out getting stuck, kinked and just plain in the way. Where do I put it under my shirt it shows not sure what to do so again I ask the question where do I put it!

Officially Pumped

Well it's connected and running, the pump. Wow my head could at any minute explode it's like having a mini computer on my hip. So when I look down at it I could swear it was looking up at me and smiling and that's no joke. Well you have what is called a Basal rate which since I left my Dr. office with a two hour training session, which by the way we did fit in chat about Roller Derby excitement and the hoola hoop, so it was well worth my time. Anyhow my rate is too high have already had 4 lows since 4 yesterday I have to say that is a record, not loving it. Working it out hoping for a better day. Sooooo much to learn, but life is good I'm still here.

Remember when

So remember when you were really good at stuff, then you got old. Of course I'm talking about me and the stupid hoola hoop. Yes I thought I had it figured out, I don't it's not like when your young. You know the old saying it's like riding a bike. Maybe that would be easier cause right now the hoola hoop and I are at odds with each other. 15 min. still not able to keep it going for more than a few seconds, but tomorrow I will feel it in all the right spots. So get off the couch and purchase one it's fun and you don't even know your working out til the next morning and everything hurts. It's good for you and again my daughter had some fun laughing at me. I'm not discouraged because I'm good at stuff I've conquered many impossibles. Not even sure where to start but I'm sure they are good. Tomorrow is the big day, we will call it The Day of The Pump. It will go down in history. I'm a little disappointed in myself though I just got black, could have picked anything I wanted and I went with black. Could it be symbolic because I am still in mourning of life past, or the fact that at work I'm only in black. I like the Mourning part it sounds more dramatic. Were in the wedding season so work is absolutely crazy starting tomorrow how will the pump affect all of this. I forget sometimes to even check my sugars then to eat is also forgotten. With the pump I will have insulin flowing through my body 24/7 just like when my pancreas actually worked, now I forgot what that will feel like. Could it possibly be I might want to get up in the morning on purpose. When I'm not working early that's my challenge. So tomorrow we'll see. This, I'll be good at, because I must!

Fun yummy Recipes

Just when you thought there was nothing good to cook, I found this great site. Now remember moderation in all things. Enjoy cooking for the whole family. Now remember type 1 don't forget your carb to insulin ratio, write it down so next time you make the meal you know exactly what to dose. Type 2 diabetics keep working watch what you eat, make sure your exercising bought a hoola hoop K it's fun and works all the muscles. Took me 3 days to actually do it right. The kids had fun laughing at me, always good for a laugh.
http://shine.yahoo.com/search/recipes?p=Diabetic

Overreact

Ok so ya I overreact that's what I do, and more than I should. But hold on it used to be because I was a women, you know quote hormonal. Man do I miss those days. So after 22 years and all the stuff we've been through together if I want to have a little tantrum, and I mean little over a stupid mug with a bear on it that cost more than I would have spent then please give me that moment. Don't under any circumstance think that it has anything to do with insulin. A year ago when this all began something like this would have just been blamed on lack of sleep or me just being pure crazy. Now being Diabetic has literally changed the whole dynamic of every relationship. Everyone is watching everything I eat, if I'm upset, or too happy or just plain off it's about the diabetes. It is going to be the death of me literally. Do I have to really become a closet Diabetic only taking insulin in the dark of night sneaking off so no one see's me dose and shudders when you put the needle through your jeans, not sure what to do. I'm super excited about the pump that I will learn to use on tues at the same time not sure what to think. More questions what are you doing, why did you do that what did you just do. Not a single soul really knows not even myself. I know I am just complaining but if I don't do it here where no one will see or even read then I will explode. I thought that I could always make my remarks happy and uplifting something people would want to read but let's be honest this is about me just getting through each day some are good some not so much. Tonight or should I say this morning because officially the tantrum was at midnight as I'm getting ready to put my husband on Dialysis, which by the way I know everything about his disease that's what I do. This is different it has to be me no one else can do it for me. And it's not always so easy to make that right decision. Diabetes tonight it's a swear word not to be spoken in my house til further notice, or tomorrow when I wake up!

Pie

So yesterday being Thanksgiving I was seriously struggling. Of course I kept this all to myself. First we went to Starbucks in the morning to get some hot chocolate. I asked if they had any sugar free hot chocolate, of course the answer was no. Does anyone ever want something sugar free. Ok so that was the first moment I felt like crying but I didn't I got some steamer with hazelnut and fat free milk, and a cranberry bliss bar I had to guess how many carbs I failed miserably way over did the insulin to carb ratio. So setting up for Thanksgiving I crash with low blood sugar searching in my purse for the last of the hidden candy and snuck a roll went out to the car and sat. I made my daughter promise not to tell funny how I felt like I did something wrong and maybe I would get in trouble. So for at least 20 min I sat out in the cold car and fratted about the meal ahead writing down what I thought I might eat how many carbs in each choice how much insulin this would entail. And then the tears came but they were dry because I had to go face the family, who of course no one is the wiser I'm a closet Diabetic doing extremely well, I look good I smell good so I must be good. Could they be more wrong. Dinner went nicely so happy to be with my husbands family missing mine because they do understand. Time for pie so excited about the pie love pumpkin dosed for it so I think anyhow. So my sister-in-law walks over with a little souffle bowl with this chocolate pudding whip cream and a cookie on top. My sweet niece had made me a sugar free pie just for me, of course that's when the tears came I tried to stop them but couldn't. Isn't this how life is just when you think your alone you staring head on into the most beautiful chocolate pie you have ever seen!

Thanks

Something was said about this being Diabetic month. Not sure who comes up with this and I want a color so I guess the color I choose is green. Only because I am green with envy for the Thankgivings past when I could just eat and eat. I will be counting carbs tomorrow my first thanksgiving doing this. I have been logging my progress and working on writing down how much insulin for particular foods. I want to be able to go back when I eat those things and know exactly how much insulin to take. Thanksgiving is a fabulous time and I am thankful for my family,friends and modern technology that keep myself and my husband alive so that we can watch our children grow. Best thing can't wait to me a grandma! I am grateful that my dad has been a great diabetic for 30 years. The hope that this gives me is undeniable. Looking forward to the new pump on it's way in the mail the 30th big day.

Idiot

As a brilliant women once said as she explained her day at work "I feel like an idiot with a capitol E". Now haven't we all felt like that. I had to let my mom know that Idiot was actually spelled with an I. Wow I think that this is a the perfect end to a perfect day. I visited with the Dr. today. Again feeling anxious and worried, I'm not sure if he is going to expel me from class because I'm getting a bad grade, or hold me back for the bad performance on my test. I never have been a good study even in school I spent the night before cramming for the test. Well this test seems to keep going and going and going. I wish it were the energizer bunny but it's just me feeling as if I can't get it right too many highs too many lows and too much food not being eaten. The Dr. today said I must stop "Grazing" so what am I cattle? If I am I choose the be a gurnsey. Anyhow it's impossible I always sample everything, I work with cake and amazing wedding food every day. His suggestion which by the way I really do take seriously is to take a cooler to work with some celery nuts of any kind apple and some cottage cheese so when I feel like eating cake I have a piece of celery instead. Oh my heck why didn't I think of that. Dr's are amazing fixer's of stuff don't you think. I'm fixed no more cake for me only celery, I can have peanut butter but only a little unless of course I want to enjoy the celery. All kidding aside I appreciate the fact that he also is type 1 so he can relate to everything, I asked him to write exactly what he eats everyday so I can do the same. He says type A personalities like me and Dr's (first time being compared to a Dr. I'll take it) like to have things be precise so tomorrow off to the store to get a cute cooler some celery, nuts and anything else with little to no taste to it. Again I will start anew. Til tomorrow!

Low's

So I talked about the highs so we can't forget the low's. Ok so low blood sugar or hypoglycemia whatever you want to call it is the worst. Let me give you a few symptoms and tell you how I handle them. Several different symptoms and they never seem to be the same. First my lips start to tingle and my tongue really quite weird I don't like it at all. At this time if I'm awake easy to take care of I just have a 15 carb snack. Ok now let's talk about what really happens. In the middle of the night I wake up with sheer panick heart racing sometimes in a cold sweat. I roll over knowing immediately my sugar is low. Only the good Lord knows why I even wake up so I can acknowledge that right off the bat. Anyhow check my sugars, then depending on how weak I feel I either step out of bed or slide and make my way to the kitchen. If you've ever had to walk the hallway with both hands on the wall to keep from falling you might know what this feels like. So now the important part only 15 carbs to bring your sugars to normal. This is the challenge let me tell you why. You feel so lost disoriented perhaps easier to just go back to sleep but you don't something is driving you to the kitchen. I remember oh ya cereal I can have some cereal. But I forgot that there are 29 carbs in 1/2 cup not including the 19 in the 1/2 cup of milk. Not thinking straight 5 bowls later I feel better, back to bed then I wake up, Hyperglycemia kicks in my day starts again. This time I don't want to get out of bed. Fact one small can of tree top apple juice 15 carbs, that's all you need. The true test of a great diabetic to have just 15 carbs. One day that will be me then not only will I be the greatest boss in the world I'll be the greatest diabetic in the world! Right now my dad holds the title.

Highs

Talking about the high sugars, these are easy to detect because I don't want to get out of bed. Now you'll know if I am out of bed and my head is spinning in circles "the 80S generation knows what this means, I'm not even going to try to explain it to the younger, too scary" Anyhow it's hard to explain the rage it can produce, self pity exhaustion, head ache stomach ache. So then when my kids or husband looks at me and says "why are you psycho, why are you screaming, have you checked your sugars?" This always seems to be a big help especially to me because I live in an alternate universe than the rest of them. At this point I promptly bolt to my room slam the door and start to cry. Then I check my sugars because I'm certain they are high just don't want to admit it to anyone. I ask them what I get to say to them when they aren't acting quite right. The answer to that question nothing of course. Now what can cause a high blood sugar, one of my favorite pass times,(well it used to be, not worth it anymore) sitting with a diet coke with a box of cereal. Ok cereal is extremely high in carbs and I don't think they really know exactly how many in a couple cups, because when I dose my insulin and measure my cereal it never seems to be enough. How do I conquer this mountain, well I guess I could stop eating cereal the most amazing thing ever created or keep truckin. So that my friends is what I will do! I avoided cereal for 6 longs months until the dietician talked some sense into me, there is a price to pay, but I will figure it out only a matter of time, and that is all I have!

Fact

So much to learn. When this all started I pictured everything I knew about diabetes. Many were what I had seen in the Dialysis community. I have several friends with type 2 diabetes who have many problems with their feet. Right before the diagnosis a friends husband had suffered some severe muscle problems in his legs because of complications with his type 2. So I went on a very crazed eating or shall we say not eating binge. I figured the less I ate the less insulin I would need, completely carb free diet. I wouldn't even look at anything that was more than 15 carbs and even then I would really consider the consequence. I had the belief system that with only 1 kidney and so much knowledge of Dialysis that if I didn't do everything right my life was over. 2 months ago I was so tired and crying all the time my family had an "Intervention" and tried to get me to start eating. I was under the conclusion that if I needed shots of insulin that I was being "naughty". This led me to the University of Utah Diabetic Center where I met with a Dr. and Nutritionist. Yes I do have the personality of I can do this all on my own. I felt as if and still do that each day is a test, how will my sugars look am I on track what will I eat today etc etc. I learned much and still learning 2 things I'll share today. 1 no amount of insulin is too much when your eating at least 40-60 carbs per meal (still working on that), because who knows how much insulin a normal body is putting out each min of everyday. And the Fact for the day, I'm sure it's just me but a Banana has 15-30 carbs depending on the size, so this was news to me.

A Story to Tell

I decided that Everyone has a story to tell, today I just feel like mine is important. What brings me to this point in my life is very eventful. I was thinking about the day we found out that my dad had type 1 diabetes. I was only 12 and didn't really understand the magnitude of it all. I remember my parents being relieved that it wasn't cancer. Deep down I always knew I would one day share this disease with my dad. I remember the day things with my sister would become complicated with her Kidney Disease I was 16, I always knew that one day I would become her donor. I was 25 on that day. I was 20 when I married my husband and I could have never understood where it would take me knowing that someday he might have problems with his kidney's. My love for him was so deep that I wouldn't even worry about it. I was 32 when he was diagnosed with his kidney disease. Today I am 42 and my life has given me all of these things. It's important to know that this is what defines who I am not the diabetes, the kidney donor, the caregiver. But all of this has given me the ability to have compassion, understanding and the will to appreciate others challenges. How do you move forward on days when you can't get out of bed. Knowing that others share in your trials. Today is a good day today I count carbs. Today I have a thought about the future that I wish to share. Carbohydrates turn to sugar which create energy you need insulin to unlock the sugar. I am happy for the ability to give myself shots to unlock that carb so I can get out of bed and do what I do best "LIVE".

The Carb Count begins.

It's all about the Carbs. Your carb to insulin ratio is important. This is what makes me tired and frustrated. Since this all began I have lost 25 pounds, I guess in a way that can be a good thing. I wish that it was a consistent thing though. I'm learning to love almonds even the sugar ones low in carbs and good for you. My nights are late which make my mornings late also. So when it comes to eating not a big fan of breakfast. I have wanted to talk about my complicated life for some time hoping that maybe I could help someone out there. Maybe not a single soul will read what I have to say but at least it's out there. Ten years ago my husband was diagnosed with Alport's which is a very rare kidney disease. Dialysis in the clinic we built in our basement, I am the primary nurse of course that's because I rock! This makes it so he can work full time, so why then after all of the focus of taking fabulous care of my husband, "maybe neglecting the laundry and other small details of daily living" did I have to get Diabetes? Well now the question is posed I will now begin my carb counting day.

First Day of the Rest of my life

So I have to do something with my thoughts, so why not Blog everyone is doing it. I'm not sure I'll be any good at this but I have to start getting my thoughts somewhere other than stuck in my head. I have been type 1 diabetic for exactly 8 mo. I am 42 years young and not doing it very well. I am extremely frustrated with the fact that other than the diabetes I'm healthy. At one point actually looking forward to the future. Simply put I'm ticked the newness has worn off and the frustration has begun. I'm learning there are huge differences in type 1 and 2. As the Dr. put it nothing needs to change about your life ( oh except you get to give yourself shots all day long, think about everything that goes into your mouth). Did I ever have to think about taking a bite of my husbands hamburger or munching on a few chips. Not before but yes now. So in a nut shell I'm not changing a thing! First blog now I can move forward and as my husband puts it be happy. Oh I'm happy happy to be alive!