Wow

Wow it what I say when there are no words. Really not much to say I've decided to come to grips with the Diabetes It has been a year and a couple months. So time to move on I say this only after a pain staking couple of days. How do you measure your inability to control this completely uncontrollable disease. Well 2 days ago I had a fabulous lunch with my daughter went to a seriously stupid movie. I feel I am pretty good at counting carbs and getting my dosage right. Half way through the movie I'm feeling a little weird so I check my sugars. Ok so ya you feel a little weird when they are 585! Weird might be an understatement of the decade more like crazy sick. So my daughter had to get to work anyway so I say let's go, now I'm dry heaving. So let me tell you what I had for lunch that would do that, let's say if my sight wasn't in correctly (ok I might have been on the phone when placing it) anyway, I had a chicken salad sandwich on wheat bread with maybe 4 french fries I figured about 50 carbs, I knew I wasn't going to hit a low in the movie. Ok so change the sight give myself several injections of insulin while throwing up. 4am hit bottom 38 that's fun wake up in a cold sweat panic know I have to get out of bed and find sugar. Crazy how one minute you can't even have a simple sandwich at lunch the next your clearing the kitchen for any and all sugar. So does it sound like I've come to terms? Maybe Si Maybe No! But this is my life and I must move forward. It's been awhile since I blogged it's time to start again so much to say so little time.

It's official

My life is continuing to move forward in a crazy direction. When I start something I never know where it might lead. Not sure if in my dreams I ever thought that perhaps I wanted to work with brides. Well I guess maybe for now that's what I want to do is work with Brides. I pick up my dress inventory on wed then I will have my little Bridal shop all set up in my basement. Hoping to be up and running by next week. The name I think I will run with is Nissa's Bridal's Etc. the etc being everything else I can do with the bride, who knows what this will lead to so excited about the prospects of just having something to keep me busy. I find when I have too much time on my hands I get discouraged. Don't ever think that your incapable of doing many things, I think it's easy when illness makes us feel as if we don't have control. I am in control of my life, maybe not always my sugars that's a whole other day, but I work on it and am thankful to be alive and well. Most happy about my family support from siblings and my parents, they have seen me start and stop just about everything. They just get out the pom pom's and cheer for me. The other day for example feeling deflated, sugars running high consistently for about a week, stress will do that to you. Anyway called my mom who was headed in my direction, to complain about being discouraged and overwhelmed, she dropped off my nephew and then took me for ice cream, yes I had ice cream because I am a type 1 and that's what I get to do. Diet coke and icecream and 2 1/2 units of insulin makes everything all better. Thanks to my mom and dad, it's official I'm going to have a bridal dress shop in my basement. YA!

Maybe I'm crazy

I've begun to think that the Heaven's are watching over me. I am a firm believer, but this week for sure it's true. I am taking on another huge project hoping for it to be completely successful. I will in two week be the owner of a bridal dress shop out of my home. I am hoping to have at least 150 dresses and such in my possession. Why not maybe I'm crazy but it happened and this is what I'm going to do. If you would have told me a year ago that I would be a successful wedding planner, soon to be a bridal dress shop owner, then to top it off type 1 Diabetic, I really would have laughed. Well here I am and this is what I am I am hoping for success this year. This can be measured however you would like. The way I measure success isn't in the amount of money I have, it's in the happiness in my home the way my 12 year old son wants me to lay in bed with him when my sugars are high so he can calm my nerves and rub my back. It's the way my 19 year old son comes in from his activities and puts his hand on my head and says hi mommy. It's my soon to be 16 year old daughter who runs out to the car as I drive away then calls with excitement to tell me of the potential date she will have. My married daughter who comes home just for a hug and a kiss and she runs back to her very busy life. The husband who from the other room instant messages me and always makes me laugh. This is how I measure success this new adventure may never be more than me playing dress up with beautiful brides to be, but it will be success to me. I choose sucess and I will take it however it comes, my parents taught me that, to me they are sucess. Today is a good day and this is why maybe I'm crazy.

A1C

So the call from the Dr. came my A1C 7.3, what the heck I thought I was doing so well. I know to some this might be a good number for me it is not! I want to have perfect numbers I am watching my carbs I lead a good healthy life stay in check more lows than highs for sure. So what am I doing wrong, I wish someone was listening out there that could help me. Why do I feel as if I just failed the biggest test of my life? I know the Dr.'s want the numbers to have more highs than lows because if your driving you won't pass out or you won't go into the alternate universe that we sometimes go into. But that's where we have the long term affects of diabetes you know neuropathy, kidney failure and most importantly death. I know really I am far from that but I'm just saying what can I do or what must I do to bring this number down. Any opinions would be appreciated. There I go again talking to myself, so I'll answer myself also, just keep getting up every morning and do what you do best Live!

moody

Today has been interesting to say the least. My goal was to stay away from work which would include some real focus on my part. Only because on a daily basis even when I'm not supposed to be there somehow I end up there. So that didn't work I was weak. Then while at the grocery store run head on into the person that was let go on thurs. sad but true, I almost had a heart attack I'm not a hard or vicious person it was just time for her to move on, only she looked as if she had been crying for days which I'm sure she had. Life sometimes is hard people get mad at you, hate you even. That isn't a good thing for me. So I might be a little moody things set me off for no reason I am irrational and I must blame it completely on the diabetes. Who else can I blame it on, I thought tonight had ended on a really great note. Feeling good that Christmas is down my sugars are in check, and staying fairly even. I got this thing dialed then I stepped in the puddle in the basement. Found the leak stupid house stupid pipes. Easy fix but I cracked, I became defensive got irritated and moody I'll admit it I'm not the most rational person in some situations now don't get excited I didn't scream or throw anything just a brat. So I'm sorry if I acted a little moody I'll be better tomorrow and I promise to eat a bowl of ice cream and enjoy the 20 carbs with 1.35U of insulin, because I can!

complain away

On Sunday I saw an old friend she had a wrap on her head, only means one thing cancer.  I went up to her gave her a hug and asked what was going on. She stated that she had breast cancer, but she wasn't complaining. I told her complain away that totally sucks. Why do we always think that we can't complain or we just don't. I complain I get mad, but I guess when it's just me is when that happens. I really felt bad and I want people to know it's ok to complain and be angry, as we move forward I say complain away.

Christmas

So today has come and gone, I am so happy. I cried twice today excited about how my family has enjoyed the Christmas day. Love my new gift my mini laptop which is going to help me do my work with my brides. I will be able to be updated and always know what is going on without always having to be in the office. The food was fabulous and so grateful for the blessing of the Savior in my life today. I am so blessed to be doing so well. I have enjoyed good food today. I was thinking about my life last night as I was laying in bed. Sometimes the reality of the diabetes really causes some anxiety. So when I begin to get better control of my life it makes me happy. I am always looking forward to becoming better at everything I do. My children have become such amazing kids, truly blessed. Excited to become a better manager, looking forward to a new year one with new hope, better business and more family time. Ryan is preparing for his mission, looking forward to him reaching his goals and receiving the blessings of the temple as he leaves to Africa to share the gospel with the people of that country. My dad has also become better with his diabetes also, he is going to a dietician which after 30 years is pretty awesome. Him and I now have the same pump and are on the same regimen. He said you can't train and old dog. I am so proud of him and the more active role he is taking with his diabetes. He has truly inspired me. Christmas was a success on to the new year.